The Sorry News

Sorry About Religion

2009-04-11T17:27:00.000-07:00

Transcript:

Sorry, but someone had to break this to you.

Religion... is just make-believe. Sorry.

It would be reassuring to know there’s an eternal afterlife and a big super-guy in the sky fixing everything. But the fact is, nobody knows whether there's a supernatural and, if so, what it is.

Think of a religion that you don’t believe in, one that you’re certain is misguided, maybe even a “cult.” How did its followers fall for it?

Most likely, childhood indoctrination and peer pressure. Or in a vulnerable phase of adult life, they were mesmerized by tales of extraordinary rewards and punishments — in this world and beyond!

That’s nothing like how you learned about the One True Religion, is it?

The taboos on criticizing religion aren’t just absurd, they’re deadly. People kill each other over what some imaginary creature told them, like what land they deserve or what crusades they must fight.

Fictitious Gods urge us to subjugate women, persecute homosexuals, and dumb-down science. But it’s gauche to criticize religion. Sorry.

Religion is not synonymous with “values,” and it doesn't make you moral. And morals are relative. Fundamentalists say "no." Our justice system says "yes."

There is first-degree murder, manslaughter, and not guilty in the case of self-defense. The accused is imperfect, the judge and jury imperfect.

Like Donald Rumsfeld said about democracy, life is messy.

In the end, all of us have to struggle out morality for ourselves.

We just might do a better job of it if we looked honestly both inside and out, instead of subbing out the job to dubious authority figures and ancient texts.

If the Bible is your ultimate source of morality, I wonder — do you stone people to death for working on the Sabbath? If not, why not? The infallible guide to life is quite clear on that point, though less so on which day the actual Sabbath is.

On the other hand, the Golden Rule is a pretty good rule. That’s why almost every culture has its own version. We know through instinct, society, and reason what goodness is. Learn, love, help the other guy out. Be a good role model for your kids. Leave the world in better shape than when you got here.

But it’s not black and white, and it never was. Your life isn’t, is it?

I’m sorry it’s all so gray and complicated, but it is.

That doesn’t mean that nothing matters and we can’t talk about good and bad. It just means that claiming it’s simple is a lie. Sorry, but we have to use those big brains and big hearts that natural selection gave us. It's hard work, and sometimes it's scary.

And that’s the sorry news.

Submitted to the Blog Against Theocracy blogswarm. Why? Because professed belief in the fiction that is religion is all-but-mandated for those who would serve in public office... or simply function in many, if not most, parts of society.

We recently swore in a president who plans to expand the faith-based initiatives office and have faith-based groups "help set our national agenda," who opposes gay marriage because "God's in the mix," and who actually distributed a campaign brochure claiming that he was "called to serve" and "called to Christ."

Rationalists are so marginalized that many were overjoyed that, in his inaugural address, President Obama tacked "non-believers" onto a list of American sorts. No doubt it's churlish of me that — after a benediction, an invocation from a gay/women/science/atheist-hating asshole, a quote from scripture, malarkey about God-given rights, and a campaign with countless sops to Bible-thumpers and played in the key of religion from beginning to end — I find that "dignification" a crumb that wouldn't whet the appetite of a Dickensian orphan. American atheists, it seems, must content themselves with such manna.

In this culture, to admit being unswayed by religion is a perilous political act. One which, to the best of my knowledge, one and only one current holder of national office has taken, bless his soul.

How many of us bite our tongues, fearing the consequences? Lest we end up ostracized... or like the man who dared to say "imagine... no religion."

So, in the land of free speech, we play along. Religion must be respected. How many dare say otherwise?

In God we trust, or else.

Sorry About Bipartisanship

2007-12-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

This episode examines that oft-praised quality: "Bipartisanship."

Transcript:

Sorry, but someone had to break this to you.

The solution to our country’s problems is not bipartisanship.

Bipartisanship sounds nice, doesn’t it? Like "civility," "centrism," "collaboration," and "compromise." Things the media celebrates... whenever a Democrat has any power.

When Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama adopt that Kumbaya talk, they're giving the power right back. I’m sorry, but the answer to cancer is not compromise.

Before Fonzie ever jumped a shark, the Republican Party did. Back when Eisenhower's VP was elected president.

Unfortunately for him, back then we had news media that cared about honesty and the rule of law.

Today's GOP is a shark.

In these waters, bipartisanship is a ship of fools. Reach across that aisle and your arm comes back a bloody stump.

In the decades since Nixon's rise, Republicans have demonized minorities and the poor, they've rung up record deficits, and they've put the corporate inmates in charge of the corporate asylum.

They've torn down the fourth amendment, the Geneva Conventions, habeas corpus, and Jefferson's wall between church and state. They've taken the statesmanship out of the State Department and the justice out of the Justice Department. The Intelligence out of the CIA, and the Protection out of the EPA.

We’re supposed to partner with that? Should we agree to shred only half the Constitution, to carry American citizens only halfway to Syria to be tortured, to give only half the treasury to America's wealthiest and best-connected? Sorry, but I don’t think so.

Those who would have us compromise with these valueless crooks and incompetents forget that it is they, not us, who defined bipartisanship as "date rape."

In an essential 2004 Washington Monthly column, Paul Glastris described how Bill Kristol and the Contract-on-America GOP Congress ensured that millions of Americans — among other things — would be denied access to health care:
"Kristol," he wrote, "urged in a series of influential memos that the GOP oppose the Clinton plan 'sight unseen,' and commit to sinking whatever plan was devised--on the grounds that successful passage of any plan would keep the Democratic Party in power."
All these sharks do is cheat and eat. They've chewed up our military, our economy, and our national soul.

Sorry, GOP. To quote Marcellus Wallace, there is no you and me. You’ve lost your D.C. privileges.

Now, I'm not advocating pliers and blowtorches or harpoons. But I'm damned tired of Democrats bringing a Hello Kitty pencil case to a knife fight.

And that's the sorry news.

Welcome to The Sorry News!

2007-12-04T16:44:00.000-08:00

The Sorry News is Vast Left's video log.

The focus is on false narratives in today's America.

Suggestions for future topics are most welcome! What dubious memes, truisms, and such get your goat???